Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
