i don't like sucking hair
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
