Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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