It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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