She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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