somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
