Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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