if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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