nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
