I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
