His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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