Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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