I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
