Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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