I forgot how hot balto sounded
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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