people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
