I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
