we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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