He told me they were just razor bumps!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
