Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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