Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
