We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
