So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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