she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
