The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
