Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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