just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
