so explain again why im purple
no
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
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