I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
