a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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