At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
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I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
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I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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