New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
