I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
