somebody snuck up and got me drunk
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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