After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
