C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
