alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
