if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
