There is no way he is gay with that hair.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
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Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
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DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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