I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
