The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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