If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Randomize