Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
