yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
