Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
