oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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