I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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