I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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