well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
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