He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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