I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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