I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize