that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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