That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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