we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
