When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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